TAKE A BREAK

(Notes from the talk given by Swamiji Adhyatmananda Saraswati, Chinmaya Mission for Balavihar Children in Dombivli, Mumbai on 28th June 2009. These notes are written the way Swamiji spoke to the children)

Hari OM!

We will start with a story of a competition held once in a village…a competition of cutting the rice crop. If you have seen how the rice crop is cut, you can see that it requires a lot of speed and not much intelligence is required.

This story is taking place in a village where two expert farmers, Mr. A and Mr. C, are competing with each other. They are given a large piece of land full of rice farms. Mr. A gets the left portion of the land and Mr. C gets the right part. Both of them are well prepared for the competition. Children, after I finish the story, you all should declare who is the winner.

Mr. A starts at 7 am and continuously works till 5 pm without even resting for a minute. Mr. C starts at 7 am and works till 9:30 am. Then he goes back to his hut and comes out and again starts working from 10 am till noon. He again takes a break of half an hour and continues working in the same way till 5 pm. Now, children, you decide who is the winner.

Few children declared Mr. A as the winner because he is a hard worker and didn’t waste his time. Majority of the children said Mr. C is the winner because he must have (Each one started to give a different reason):

  1. Conserved his energy by taking breaks.
  2. Sharpened his knife during his breaks which increased his speed and reduced his strain.
  3. Had food which gave him extra energy to perform better.
  4. Taken small naps to freshen up.
  5. Reviewed his performance at regular intervals so that he could get to know how better he should perform.

After all these reasons, everyone was convinced that taking breaks improves efficiency and hence Mr. C must have been the winner.

Swamiji continued – So, we can conclude, “There is nothing wrong in taking breaks”. My dear children, this is my first request to all of you. Always keep this in mind. Take breaks at regular intervals to perform better. In a survey conducted and studied, it was found out that after studying a subject continuously for 40-60 minutes, a student’s efficiency drops. While studying, try to change the subject that you are studying after every hour. Take breaks at regular intervals is very important but more important is how you use your break time. If you spend the breaks watching TV or playing computer games, then no doubt it will entertain you, but unknowingly it will take away much of your energy that can be used for studying. Allot different time for your games and utilize the BREAK TIME to do some hobby like singing, drawing, painting, gardening, craft, enjoying nature, trees, birds, etc. If you don’t take breaks, your system will break down. Always keep this in mind even after you grow up. How you do things today will transform your character. Have you every thought why Sunday is a holiday? Why do we have summer vacations? It is for the same reason – Take a break.

My second request to you is – Have a goal. Man has got the privilege to lead a life. In case of animals, life leads them. For us, to lead a life, we need to have a goal or target to aim at. And the target should be the maximum. The higher the goal, the more we take the effort to jump higher. If you are 4 feet tall and want to take something that is 7 feet high, you may jump and get it. But imagine a goal 10 feet high. You will jump but might not get it. Still, the effort taken for jumping this time will be definitely higher than what was done earlier even though the goal is not achieved.

Have you ever wondered why some cars have a longer life than the ones those were manufactured along with it? It depends on the driver who is using the car, it depends on the roads, it depends on the quality of petrol used, etc. God gave all of us the same body, mind and intellect. How we make use of it will determine how good life we can lead. There is a saying, “God gifted us with many talents. What we do of it is a gift back to God”.

So now, you have a goal. You sit in your car and drive fast to reach your goal. But if you travel in the opposite direction of the desired goal, the faster you travel the faster you get away from your goal. Hence, it is very important to review your position while traveling towards your goal. Keep looking at the map and see if you are traveling in the right direction. Speed does not matter as much as direction does.

Our goal and the path are the two things that determine our future. Keeping this in mind, let us all lead a purposeful life.

4 Mahavakyas

(Notes from the talk given by Swamiji Adhyatmananda Saraswati, Chinmaya Mission for CHYKs (Chinmaya Yuva Kendra) in Dombivli, Mumbai on 28th June 2009)

Hari OM!

Four Mahavakyas or four Fundamental, Philosophical, Psychological Statements:

  1. People are OK
  2. People are Different
  3. People can Think
  4. People are responsible for their destiny; and their destinies can be changed.

Swamiji: Which of these statements do you like the most and why?

All CHYKs were asked to think and say their opinions. Each one explained their thought on a point and in the end it was found out that all the four points were interconnected.

People are OK. It is just that they are different; and different people think differently. As a result, the destiny of every person is different as per their deeds. The same thing is explained in science – “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” Jesus Christ told the same thing – “As you sow, so shall you reap.” You sow wind, you reap whirlwind. The Karma Theory in Hinduism explains the same thing – Cause and Effect Theory. “What we are today is the effect of something (cause) which happened in the past. What we will be tomorrow is the effect of what we do (cause) today.” An effect is the same thing as the cause but in a different form. The seed of an apple in the cause and apple tree is the effect. The effect is inherent in the cause itself.

These four points should always be remembered. Many people often carry the attitude – I’m OK. You are not OK. For them, they are always right and it is always the other person’s fault. They actually forget the second point that people are different, and it ought to be so. God must have had a purpose behind it. Different colours make a painting beautiful. Different flavours make a feast good. Different sounds create beautiful music. Different people make the world beautiful.

Elders often forget that younger people can think and take decisions. Younger members of the family are often considered immature and incapable to take responsibility or decisions. The fact that “Everyone has worth” was proved by Sri Ramchandraji when he took the army of monkeys to fight with Ravana. He could have taken Bharata’s army and easily won the war, but he wanted to show that even mokeys can achieve a great task. Today, in the subject of management, there is a topic called ‘Managerial Effectiveness’ where it is said that the efficiency of a manager is tested in the way he distributes the work amongst his subordinates and gets the right work done from the right person. An efficient manager will always look at his subordinate’s strengths and make optimum use of the same.

It is said in point # 3 that People can think. It is not said that people always think they actually don’t. And the reason for not thinking is, they never got an opportunity to think. It was always others who thought for them and they just acted like robots by following the orders.

Teachers can facilitate children to experience. From experience comes thinking. Even though all may not be teachers by profession, all can, in some way or the other, make an opportunity for others to experience and think.

Respect others. In order to do so, one must learn to respect oneself. But how can one respect oneself, a question may arise. When a student fails in an exam, usually it is seen that the student and everyone around him makes a conclusion that “The student is a failure” instead of saying that “He just failed in that exam”. If the student avoids this way of thinking about himself, it can be said that he is respecting himself.

Even while in an argument, one should never say, “You are wrong”. It is his feeling that the other person is wrong. He should always say, “I feel that you are wrong. But that does not spoil our relation. It is just that we have a difference of opinion on this topic.” One should be ready to accept the other person unconditionally. It is when the false conception and expectation that the other person will, or rather should, change, that starts a fight. Accept unconditionally. Accept them as they are. Say to yourself – People are OK. People are different.

One might say his views or opinions but should always avoid Advice. Advice is like painting an ice cube. It is the thing that people love to give but the same people hate to take. Instead of giving advises, one can give questions to think upon. In fact, education is meant for this only. I read it somewhere, “Education can give intelligence but not intellect.” The knowledge that we get from various sources is the intelligence, but how to make use of it depends on our intellect. Intelligence makes a man successful. That’s why we can see only a few surgeons, few sportsmen, few teachers, few lawyers, who are exceptionally beyond comparison even though all of the got the same training.

If we keep these Four Mahavakyas in mind, we can always be happy and lead a worthy and noble life.

Learning is Discovering

Maths is one of the oldest subjects that we have today. Oldest because, even the caveman used it. But who taught him? When birds fly, they calculate speed, time & distance. A cheetah, while chasing its prey, runs in such a way that it covers the minimum distance to catch. Who taught them Maths? The only possible answer is – they discovered it on their own. Every living organism has a Maths program in it. They use it knowingly or unknowingly as per their requirements. In the subject of Vedic Maths, we see how Maths can be discovered from our ‘within’.

Vedic Maths is about observation. All we need to do to learn a particular technique in Vedic Maths is – To keep looking at it. After some time, we see a pattern that keeps repeating.

e.g

a) 35 b) 42 c) 77 d) 84
x 35 x 48 X 73 x 86

Do you see any pattern repeating in the questions?

Ans a) 1225         Ans b) 2016         Ans c) 5621         Ans d) 7224

Now keep looking at the first two digits & last two digits of every answer, you will see a pattern.

Scientists say, left side of our brain receives data & information, analyses it and gives the result. The right side of the brain observes patterns, designs, etc. Creativity & Intuition can be developed only if the right side of our brain is used more. When any subject is ‘taught’, only the left brain is developed. But when it is ‘discovered’, our brain develops. As a result, we just don’t become good at Maths but also improve on other Creative areas.

With repeated observation of patters in calculations, our brain automatically starts performing them without us even realizing of such an event happening inside our brain. It’s like how we see in cricket. When the bowler releases the ball, how much time does the batsman get to decide how to hit it? Just a fraction of a second. And within that time he calculates the speed, spin / swing of the ball, his footwork, gap between fielders, force and angle at which he should hit the ball, and much more. Such is the capacity of our brain.

We can make our brains sharp by learning this wonderful subject – Vedic Maths; where Learning is Discovering!

Vedic Mathematics

(as appeared in Tapovan Prasad magazine in September 2010 issue)

Bharat has been the motherland of many great souls whose contributions have helped the whole of mankind. One among them was Swami Bharati Krishna Tirthaji who recreated a system of Mathematics that is popularly known today, as ‘Vedic Mathematics’.

Born to highly learned and pious parents in 1884 at Tirunelveli in Madras Presidency, Venkatraman was an exceptionally brilliant boy. He always stood first in his class for all the subjects. At the age of sixteen, he was awarded the title ‘Saraswati’ for his proficiency in Sanskrit. He was deeply influenced by his Sanskrit Guru Sri Vedam Venkatrai Shastri whom he remembered with deepest love, reverence and gratitude. When he was twenty, he passed M.A. of American College of Sciences, New York (from Bombay Centre) in seven different subjects (His subjects included Sanskrit, Philosophy, English, Mathematics, History and Science) simultaneously securing the highest honours in all. He was proficient in fourteen languages.

Prof. Venkatraman served as Principal of National College, Rajmahendri for a short period until his thirst for spiritual knowledge pulled him to Swami Satchidananda Sivabhinava Nrisimha Bharati at Sringeri. After eight years of extensive study of the scriptures, Prof. Venkatraman was initiated into the Holy order of Sanyasa as Swami Bharati Krishna Tirthaji. After few years, Jagadguru Shankaracharya Sri Madhusudan Tirtha’s (of Govardhan Math) health took a severe turn and Swami Bharati Krishna Tirthaji had to take up his position at Puri Govardhan Peeth.

During his life, Swamiji travelled throughout India. He was a spiritual dynamo. Vedic Mathematics was one of his epoch-making contributions to the world. During his Vedic studies at Sringeri (1911-1918), as a result of his intense tapas in the forests of Sringeri,  Swamiji unraveled the hidden meanings of certain Sutras (aphorisms or word formulae).

Vedic Mathematics is based on Sixteen sutras and Thirteen upasutras; which Swamiji says, he ‘re-discovered’ from the Vedas. One may not find these sutras as it is in the Vedas, but the essence or the root is from the Vedas. Such was the greatness of Swamiji. He could have easily claimed the ownership of the New System of Mathematics, and nobody could have doubted it. But, like any other great saint of India; he gave the credit to the Vedas.

Swamiji had written sixteen volumes on Vedic Mathematics (one volume on each sutra). But before it could be printed, it was irretrievably lost. Everyone grieved over the great loss except Swamiji, for he said he could rewrite them all recollecting from his memory. In one and a half month’s time, he wrote one introductory volume. However, the toll that had taken on his failing health, on account of his rigorous work for almost four decades (and losing eye-sight due to cataract), did not allow him write more. And in February 1960, the Mahatma left his mortal frame.

Swamiji’s introductory Volume of Vedic Mathematics itself covers Addition, Subtraction, Multiplication, Division, Squares, Square Roots, Cubes, Cube Roots, Factorisation, Simple & Quadratic Equations, H.C.F, L.C.M., Decimals, Fractions, Analytical Conics, and much more. The remaining fifteen volumes had higher levels of Mathematics based on the same sixteen Sutras and thirteen upa-Sutras. Never in the past has anyone made such a discovery by encapsulating such a vast subject like Mathematics in just a few Word Formulae.

When one hears the word ‘Sutras’ in a language like Sanskrit, one need not think that he should have knowledge in Sanskrit to understand the subject. It is so lucid that children of any caliber can learn it with ease. Unlike the Mathematics that is taught in school which has only ‘one way’ to do a particular calculation, Vedic Mathematics teaches different ways to solve the same problem. Perhaps, this was Swamiji’s way to connect Mathematics to God – Different ways to attain the same ‘Truth’!

Using Vedic Mathematics, even a ten year old can calculate 999 x 991 or 20111 ÷ 975 in less than five seconds, and that too in a method of his own choice. This may look like an exaggeration but it is the Truth. More than ‘Techniques’ this subject facilitates ‘Thinking’, which today’s educational system in India unfortunately does not allow. Another sad thing is that such a great text has not been introduced in Indian Universities. But it has been accepted as a part of syllabus in some schools of England. Today, there are many books available on Vedic Mathematics (based on the introductory volume of Vedic Mathematics), many of them written by Western Mathematicians.

Many school students are afraid of Mathematics and they have no option but to learn it. Using Vedic Mathematics we can enjoy the subject and experiment & discover different methods. Imagine how much time we could save doing calculations if we learn Vedic Mathematics!

Difference between Teaching & Learning

A toddler saw an ant coming towards him. He goes, picks it up and gets bitten. Immediately he starts crying. He had a painful experience. Next time he won’t go and touch an ant; for, he had a Learning.

Learning is an experience. By the time a child is of 5 years of age, he has learnt a great deal of things without anybody teaching him. He Observes. He Experiments. He gets an Experience. He Learns. He will never forget such Learnings in his entire life because he learnt it through an Experience.

Teaching is more like a process. We are taught different subjects in schools. However, there are some things that can’t be taught, but only Learnt… such as mannerism, discipline, etc. We see parents shouting at small children when he becomes cranky, adamant or demanding. The intention of the parents is to convey the message that ‘demanding is not good’. But the way it is conveyed itself is demanding. Now the question is – from where does the child learn to demand or be adamant?

Many a times, parents wonder from where their child has learnt to behave like this. Only if they would observe (like the child did) their own ways of talking & behaving, will they realize that they themselves were an ‘object’ for the child’s learning. Not realizing this fact, parents try to correct the child by scolding, punishing, ordering and expecting the child to change instead of the parents becoming a better role model for the child.

Another important aspect in parenting is, to facilitate Learning. We need to give enough opportunities to kids to explore things and improve their imaginations. For this, we should bring ourselves down to the child’s level and try to see what he is thinking. Often parents and teachers correct on some creation the child has done – like when they draw a cow and colour it green, or when they fix square wheels to a car using their building set.

First of all, the question is – is correction required here? Is the child never going to realize what is correct if we don’t correct him? What’s wrong if the child imagines something which elders can’t imagine? The damage done by correction, according to psychologists, is that, it conveys a wrong message to the child. And the message is – “I’m not correct”. With repeated corrections, his interest and confidence decreases. His imaginations reduces. And one day, his creativity gets killed.

The above could be basically summarized into two points:

1.       Change yourself to a better role model with traits like patience, tolerance, empathy, etc instead of demanding the child to change.

2.       Avoid corrective steps so that a child can expand his imagination.

Let not a child’s Learning be killed by Teaching!

Understandings from a talk by Swamiji Adhyatmananda – Compiled by Vinay Nair

  • There’s no substitute other than understanding children. We try so many different methods to tackle children except this, which is the only way. In order to understand children you need to get down to their level. To influence a child, you have to go back to your childhood days.
  • Many a times, a child’s behaviour is bad due to parenting defects. And these parenting defects are due to their parents’ parenting faults.
  • Swamiji (to children): Do you get disturbed when your parents express their concern?
  • Children: Yes Swamiji, especially when they:
    • Insult in front of guests by asking the scores in exams.
    • Compare us with our brothers, sisters or friends.
    • They start their unending chant – “Study, Study, Study”. And when they add this dialogue – “I’m saying this for your own good”
    • Enforce the methods of studying – Read aloud, write and study instead of reading, etc.

Swamiji, how would our parents feel if we asked similar questions to them, like

o   Dad, how much increment did you get this time?

o   My friend’s dad is so cool, why cant you be like that?

o   Work more dad, do overtime. Get extra money so that you can live happily. I’m telling this for your own good, not for my sake.

  • First thing any parent should ask themselves is, “Do I love myself”? Everybody think that they love themselves, but very few do. We see so many people who are always busy and don’t have time for anything, not even for themselves. They are the ones who don’t like their own company. But it is them who always find fault in others and keep complaining and irritating others. Even though they might be a frustrating character for others; in reality, they face a greater struggle within them against their own personality resulting in inflicting the blame on others.
  • Authentic feeling is a must. If you get angry, tell the other person that you are getting angry. If you feel tensed, say so. Don’t express your feeling as anger when you are feeling tensed. Many laugh when they say something that has hurt them a lot. All these opposite reactions are called Racket Feeling in Psychology. It is also called Masking the Personality.
  • Unconditional Acceptance – Accepting ourselves as we are. One should have this attitude for oneself and for others. Only when we accept ourselves unconditionally can we overcome our short-comings. Mistakes are to be corrected. Life is not to be lead over repentance of the past. When we have the strength to bear others unconditionally, only then we have the right to correct others.
  • Take Charge/Responsibility of your feelings. Don’t blame others for you getting angry. You alone are responsible for it. One needs to have the courage to take responsibility of their actions.

  • Questions a parent should ask oneself.
    • Do I encourage my child to ask questions?
    • Do I love my children without any guilty consciousness or love without any regret (Unconditional Acceptance)? Or do I put any clauses in accepting my child?
    • How healthy is my relation with my partner? (It directly affects the child)
    • How much qualitative time do I spend with my child?

Your Son Gives You The Chance The Father You Always Wanted To Be

It’s my fourth day of babysitting my two year old son. He has taught me a lot of lessons in these four days and the most important one is – It’s not EASY!

He seemed to be irritated since today afternoon. Whatever I offered him, he rejected. I had no clue what to do to make him happy (atleast till my wife arrived). I offered him a toy. He threw it away. I offered another one. He threw that one too. Again I offered one more toy. Same reaction. But just after he did that, I happened to notice something that I had missed out earlier. And that was – He looked at my face every time he threw a toy to see my reaction. Then it struck me – Hey! My two year old is watching my reaction. He’s studying me!

I became more alert. He asked for a picture book of birds of which he says almost every bird’s name correctly. But when I asked him now, he said it all wrong. He does this often to express his displeasure towards anything particular and usually I correct him. However, this time I didn’t say anything. I calmly turned all the pages and finished the book. He again looked at my face. This time he didn’t see me irritated. Then I took his animal-picture book. This time he told all the animals’ name correctly. Now he was back to his normal mood and everything continued smoothly.

Later I contemplated on the entire situation and understood something. Before he expressed his irritation, he had come to me with something to play with. Since I was studying, I changed the topic and drew his attention to something else. I also got a couple of phone calls at that time. I thought I had managed to divert his attention and continued with my work. Later I realized how poor my observation was and how good was his.

What he needed was, like everyone else, attention. But when he didn’t get it, it hurt his feelings. His Ego was hurt. This resulted in anger, agitation and frustration. At this point, when I gave up my work and gave my 100% attention to him, I expected him to come out of his sorrow. But he didn’t; for, his Ego was hurt. And when I accepted and acknowledged his feelings as it is (without correcting him), it is then he settled down.

I feel this happens not just with children but with people of all ages. When someone’s feelings are not accepted & appreciated, instead reciprocated with harsh words, facts & advices, it hurts their Ego and they end up doing something strange or stupid.

Observe. Accept feelings & emotions. What a Learning from a two-year old!

Symbolism in Ramayana

Ravana – Dashamukha – represents an extrovert character. When the 5 sense organs of perception (eyes, ears, nose, tongue & skin) and 5 organs of action (hands, legs, speech, genitals & anus) are faced outwards seeking satisfaction of the flesh, such a person is called Dashamukha. It is just the opposite of Dasharatha. Such a person like Ravana can be materially rich beyond measure. Lanka was rich & technologically developed as compared to Ayodhya. They had Pushpaka Vimana (aeroplane and that too it was flied on iccha shakti). Such a plane is not even invented today. It is said that the women of Lanka were drunk even at eight in the morning, such was its condition. And in Ayodhya, people were using carts and carriages but they were very pious and spiritually rich. Yatha Raaja Tatha Praja.

To kill Ravana (our inner Ravana), Sri Ramji had to cross the Ocean. The Ocean represents the Ocean of Ignorance, and Ignorance is compared to the Ocean, not to the river or lake or even sea but in its largest form – The Ocean, such vast is our Ignorance. Sri Ramji took the army of monkeys. Monkeys have two qualities – asthiratva and chanchalatva (instability and restlessness). Our thoughts are like monkeys it cannot sit at one place. Only when these monkeys are controlled, will the enemy be killed. The monkeys were Sugreeva’s army (Greeva means controlled. Sugreeva means well controlled) and not Vali’s army. Vali had a boon. He could get twice the strength of the person who is fighting against him and on top of that, his opponent would lose half of his strength. Vali represents lust. Hence Vali had to be killed. But why from the back, one may ask? How can one overcome lust? Can anybody quit drinking if he sits in front of a bottle of whisky? He would not only lose half of his will power of quitting and that bottle of whisky would come charging at him in double strength. When Vali was shot, he asked Sri Ramji, “Why did you kill me like an animal”? Sri Ramji replied, “Because you are an animal. Or else who would kidnap his brother’s wife and rule his kingdom?”

Ahilya Moksha

On the way to Janakpuri, Sri Ramji, Laxmanji & Vishwamitra Muni come across an abandoned ashram. Sri Ramji was surprised on seeing such a pathetic state of the ashram in Janaka’s land. While Sri Ramji was walking the sand from his feet fell on Ahilya who had become stationary (like a stone) by a curse. The story goes like this…

Ahilya was the wife of Gautam Muni. One day Lord Indra came in the form of Gautam Muni and Ahilya mistook him for her husband was did something wrong which proved her unfaithful to her husband. Angered by this Gautam Muni cursed her, “May you be like a stone (jata) since your Buddhi acted like Jata.” Ahilya realised her mistake and asked for forgiveness. On that Gautam Muni said, “Since you did a mistake (pata) now do (tapa) to come out of it. When Lord will come this way, you will automatically be liberated by that.

Indra represents our Mind. The mind always plays tricks on us. In many other stories we hear that some demon attacked Lord Indra and frightened Indra went to Vishnu (represents our intellect) asking for help. When Indra came by disguise and touched Ahilya, she might have realised that it was not her husband. Any woman who loves her husband recognises him by his mere touch. But Ahilya was lost in her pleasure that she gave herself away. The wife of such a great saint could never afford to lose self-control or not be alert, and hence she got the curse. And she did not become a stone in the literal sense. She became still like a stone and performed tapas. Woman cant afford to be careless. The fall of a woman will result in the fall of a generation. Such is the significance of a woman in our society. Even Sita devi had to undergo a lot of pain for the only reason that her mind got diverted in the sense objects for a moment and she lost her focus from Ramchandraji.

Moral: Be alert at all times. All tempatations comes in disguise as a virtue.

lord rama

Democracy in Ramayana

We may think that Democracy is something that came in the recent past. But we can see Democracy in Ramayana as well.

When Sri Ramji was going to be crowned as the King, Dasharatha did not choose him our of sheer love. He consulted his people and asked their opinion. And everyone wanted Sri Ramji to be the king.

Democracy is not ‘Selecting the candidate who gets the majority’. It is – Selecting the right & eligible candidate out of the well trained candidates. Bharata, Laxmana & Shatrughna all were well trained. Amongst the well trained brothers, Sri Ramji was selected.

Let us learn Democracy from Ramayana.

Dharma in Ramayana

In Ramayana, at each and every point it teaches us Dharma, nothing else but Dharma.

Was sending Sri Ramji to the forest Dharma?

Was fulfilling a vow to the wife and not to the citizens of the kingdom Dharma?

Was sending Sita to the jungle Dharma?

Many such questions may arise in the mind while we go through Ramayana.

Let us assume what would have happened if Dasharatha broke the promise given to Kaikeyi. Nobody would have known about the promise and Sri Ramji might have become the King. But Satyam can never be hidden. Later, when the people of Ayodhya will come to know that the king broke a promise to his wife, wouldn’t they think – “What a king is Dasharatha who can’t even fulfill his word to his wife? A person who breaks his promise, and that too to his wife, can he be trusted?” Faith in the king would have been lost and so would the peace in Ayodhya. The king has to do Dharma towards his people first and then comes his Dharma towards his family. That is why Dasharatha couldn’t say anything against Kaikeyi. Same in the case of Ramji when Sitadevi had to be sent to the forest.

Where there is Dharma, there is peace. In Ramayana, Dasharatha did Dharma. Hence there was no war within the family. In Mahabharata, Dhrutarashtra did not do Dharma and protected his sons who were doing Adharma. Hence there was war within the family.